


break this silence with...

by KayCeeCruz



Series: The Ellipses Series [1]
Category: As the World Turns RPF
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-29
Updated: 2010-06-29
Packaged: 2017-10-10 08:00:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/97445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCeeCruz/pseuds/KayCeeCruz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake wants to be an asshole and agree because fuck yes, they should have been prepared.   So maybe he and Van aren't the most famous actors, to say the least, but jesus fucking christ, Nathan and company knew how very <i>enthusiastic</i> their fans could be. But he doesn't say any of that. Just nods at Nathan and clasps his hand. "Don't worry about it, Nate. It's fine. Van is fine."</p>
            </blockquote>





	break this silence with...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frances_veritas](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=frances_veritas).



> Written as for frances_veritas who prompted injured!Jansis fic and then this happened. Heh.

_ **break this silence with...** _

 

He doesn't remember getting from the house to the airport. If anyone asks how he manages to board the plane, land and find the right car to take him to the hospital, he wouldn't have an answer to that. The last clear thing that Jake remembers is his cell phone ringing and Nathan's voice calm and steady saying, "Jake, we had an accident..."

His heart's been in his throat from then. Even after Nathan had assured him everything was okay. Even after Jesse had sworn up and down that, "Seriously, the dude is fine, bro. _Breathe,_ man," he still couldn't. His lungs won't take in air, just constrict when he tries so he just takes shallow little breaths.

And he knows that this is the most ridiculous part, but not even _hearing_ Van's voice over the phone made his heart unfreeze.

Logically Jake knows he's fine.

Van is fine.

Except for the concussion and the broken arm courtesy of a way too happy fan and a too short stage.

His hands hurt from clenching them open and closed for the last eight hours while he waited at the house for his cab, at the airport for his plane, on the road while the car gets stuck in traffic. He grits his teeth, rolls his head to loosen the tension in his neck and keeps taking the shallow bits of air.

Everything is fine.

The car pulls into the underground parking and before it even stops Jake is out the door and into the bright florescent lighting of the hospital. He hates the smell of these fucking places. That sickly sweet antiseptic odor that leaves a horrible aftertaste in your mouth.

Jesse hadn't answered his phone the last time Jake had called so he has no idea where Van's room is (he reminds himself that you can't actually use a cellphone per those universal hospital rules so all thoughts of kicking his little brother's ass are completely unfair).

He spots what he thinks is probably the lobby reception area and walks up quietly, places both hands on the desk. "I'm looking for someone."

The young girl looks up at him, eyes widen slightly, but if she recognizes him she doesn't say anything, just smiles gently and asks, "Name of the patient, sir?"

He notes her voice – gentle. It must be a default tone because hospitals just – he puts a stop to the thoughts.

Van is fine.

"It's Va-" His voice cracks slightly and he stops, rolls his eyes at himself and starts again. "Hansis. Evan Hansis."

She types at her computer then with a smile says, "Room 212." She scribbles on something and then holds out her hand, staring back at him when he only looks at her stupidly. It takes a moment to realize that she's handing him a visitor tag and he grips it tight, clips it on quickly. She smiles kindly at him, nods once.

"Thank you." He glances around, spots the signs for the elevators and barely contains his speed. He wants to make a run for it but that would only be stupid. Cause really.

Van is fine.

He taps his fingers against his thigh and waits for the doors to open before stepping onto the floor. Following the arrows, he turns the corner and spots Jesse talking to Nathan just a dozen feet down the hallway. When his brother looks up, he blinks at him and then waves. Nathan shakes his head, like he thinks maybe he's seeing a mirage, but he smiles wide.

Jesse meets him halfway and hugs him hard. "What are you doing here, you dumbass? We told you. He is fine."

Nathan nods, gives him a quick one armed hug and raises an eyebrow at Jake. "Seriously, man. Aren't you filming this week?"

Jake shakes his head while he hands his brother the bag he was carrying, his concentration on the door with the numbers "212" just to his right. "No. I called Jill and she rearranged my schedule. I have to fly back on Thursday to tape my scenes for the next couple of weeks but before and after that I'm fine."

Nathan looks worried. "Jake –"

He waves him away, takes off his jacket, steps through the door and promptly forgets his brother and friend. Van's eyes are closed, breathing even and Jake allows his gaze to roam over his features. It's like a checklist in his head. Hands, still there. Legs, two. His eyes narrow at the ugly red scratches on Van's cheek.

He really kinda wants to punch something so he forces his eyes away, studying Van quietly. Aside from his face and the cast on his left arm, he looks perfectly fine.

He reaches for Van's other hand, turns it over and kisses the palm softly. Jake smirks when Van snuffles a little but doesn't wake up.

"They gave him some good drugs."

Jake jumps at Jesse's voice and gives his brother a smile over his shoulder. "Was his bitching annoying the nurses?"

Jesse laughs and nods. "Like you wouldn't believe. I had to threaten to call you to get him to stay the night."

"And that worked?"

His brother grins wide. "Not really. But when I talked to Ma, she suggested I call Mrs. Hansis and well, that seemed to have the wanted effect."

Jake chuckles and looks back at Van's sleeping form, gaze straying to the black and blue marks he can make out on Van's shoulder, just beneath his hospital gown. He frowns at that and shakes his head. "Roma is not a woman you want to cross." He reaches to adjust Van's blanket and turns to meet his brother's stare.

"What?"

"I just – wow. I mean, I _knew_ but I didn't _know._"

Jake rolls his eyes. "Yeah, because that made a lot of fucking sense, Jes."

His brother smirks and shrugs. "See what happens when you move all the way the hell across the country. You lose the ability to understand Silbermann talk. All your fault, man." Jesse glances at his watch. "I need to call mom and Dylan. Go get some food. Want me to bring you back anything?"

Jake shakes his head and grabs Jesse in a quick hug. "No, I'm good. Go home."

"But don't you –"

"No. I got it. Don't worry. Go home." He gives Jesse another grateful squeeze then pushes him gently to the door. "Thanks for being here."

Jesse snorts. "Are you kidding? He's lucky I managed to keep the rest of the clan away. You know us, man."

He laughs at that because he does and feels something loosen in his chest. Van is fine and he had been all along. Those stupid images in his head were just that, stupid.

Nathan clears his throat, bringing Jake's attention to him. He walks over and gives Jake's shoulder a pat. "I'm sorry about this, man. We should have been better prepared."

Jake wants to be an asshole and agree because fuck yes, they should have been prepared. So maybe he and Van aren't the most famous actors, to say the least, but jesus fucking christ, Nathan and company knew how very _enthusiastic_ their fans could be. But he doesn't say any of that. Just nods at Nathan and clasps his hand. "Don't worry about it, Nate. It's fine. Van is fine."

He says it out loud because that makes it more real.

Van is _fine._

 

*

 

He's having some weird dream about flying when he senses warmth sliding over his neck, down his shoulder and back up. Jake blinks his eyes open and glances up to meet Van's tired but happy stare.

"This is a dream, right?"

Van's voice is deep, rough from just waking up and Jake's body responds, shivers a little because that's what it's trained to do. Respond to Van. Always. He raises his head, feels Van's fingers grip a little tighter and smiles slowly. "Nope. Live and in the flesh." He leans up, brushes a soft kiss on Van's mouth, lingers some before he pulls back. Jake tries to contain the need to climb inside Van, to make sure he is really there and that scares him a lot.

"Hey. Hey."

He looks up and meets Van's worried gaze, tries to reassure him with what he is pretty sure is a bad imitation of his smile. "Hay is for horses."

Van cracks a grin at that, cards his one good hand through Jake's hair, smooths it down and back. "You are a such a dork. And also what are you doing here?"

Jake shrugs, takes Van's wandering hand in his and kisses his way across the knuckles. "Well, see. My boyfriend? Blondish guy, kinda hot. Seems he almost got himself literally glomped – which I honestly didn't think there was an _actual real-life action_ to that word until today – to death by a fan."

Van _hmmms_, eyes crinkling in amusement. "Yeah. I think there was some rumor going around about that. Know what else I heard? That boyfriend of yours? Totally okay."

Jake looks at Van's cast meaningfully and meets gold-brown again. "Is that right?"

"Maybe not perfectly okay but you know...functioning. Which I _know_ you know because if I'm not crazy we talked about this over the phone when I _told_ you not to worry and I'd be home in a couple of days."

"Huh. Guess I don't listen so well."

"No shit, Silbermann. You're one stubborn man."

Jake grins up at that and tilts his head. "Kettle. Pot. Seriously."

Van sighs. "Jake...come on. Can you even be here? I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm so fucking happy to see you I could probably manage to do many non-hospital appropriate things to you but – you have scenes tomorrow, don't you?" Van bites his lip and Jake leans up to kiss him. Van leans back, opens his mouth to let Jake in, tongues touching, little teasing brushes until they're both panting.

Jake pulls away then back in for one more quick peck before straightening and adjusting Van's blanket. He can't really look at Van right now. There are all these words he wants to say. Some that they haven't actually said yet for – he can't even think of the reasons why right now.

But here in this hospital isn't where he wants to say them.

"I got it all covered. Okay?"

It looks like Van wants to say something else but he doesn't. Only nods and then the nurse walks in, smiles at them as she checks vitals. She lets them know the doctor will be in to see them in a few minutes and that Van will more than likely get the green light to go home.

"Everything looks good, sweetie." She smiles and pats Van's hand before walking back out.

Jake turns to grin at Van and finds that he's watching him quietly, eyes full with so much that it takes him a minute to process it all. He moves quick and ducks in to kiss Van one more time, whispers a quiet, "It's okay, babe. I promise."

Van smiles against his mouth and sighs happily.

It's always been one of Jake's favorite sounds.

 

*

 

The actual process of Van getting released isn't as easy as it sounded to Jake. When Dr. Chambers comes in, he insists that Van have a final CAT scan to make sure that they didn't miss anything. Jake can see the frustration in Van's face and when he opens his mouth to say what Jake knows is a no, he steps in.

"If you think it's necessary then I'm sure it's for the best." He says it while looking straight at Van who rolls his eyes then just nods silently. When the doctor leaves he lets out an annoyed huff of breath and glares at Jake. "I can talk for myself."

"Never said you couldn't."

"Then what was that all about?"

Jake tenses and glares back. "You got assaulted by a fucking fan yesterday, Van. Hit your head and didn't get up at all until you were here. Humor me and let them make sure that concrete head of yours is still in one fucking piece, okay?"

Van's face softens and he half smiles. "You can be extremely bossy, _Jacob._"

Jake snorts. "Yeah, well, you can be incredibly pig-headed, _Evan._"

He can feel Van smiling at him and he flicks a quick look over, tries not to laugh at the goofy way Van's hair sticks up in all directions. It's on the tip of his tongue and he chokes off because. Not here. This is a home thing. Or at least a non-medical establishment kind of scenario.

The nurse returns with a wheelchair and Jake helps Van into it. He kisses Van's forehead, squeezes his hand once and watches him all the way down the hall until Van disappears around the corner. The panic subsided the moment he saw Van but it's left this nervousness in its wake. He wants to laugh because it shouldn't have taken this long for him to acknowledge what he's known forever, really.

It hasn't been that long since they gave in and just decided to be. Over a year since they admitted they were more than friends. Eight months since they moved together to L.A. Six months since they made it official to everyone else.

He knows that's a long time and he knows that Van is aware how Jake feels, even if neither one of them has said it. It's so fucking obvious. Jake has seen the pictures. What he feels is written all over his face. Always has been. But – he didn't want to be the one to say it first.

There. He admits he's an idiot sometimes. Total guy shit to do.

He needs to keep occupied while Van is getting his tests done so he calls his mother. Jake smiles into the phone when she answers. It makes him feel better just talking to her. She makes him promise to stop by the house later that week with Van so that she can spoil them. She actually says "slap you both across the head for the scare" (and really, he hadn't even _been_ there) but Jake knows how to interpret that.

Jesse left a voice mail early that morning to let Jake know that he'd gone to Van's apartment and found "the cabinets barer than a Playboy bunny and like a freak hurricane blew through here. Seriously, how do you two survive out in La-La land, dude."

He laughs as he deletes the message, skips over the ones from his management, listens to the one from Van's mom. He'd kept his phone off while in the hospital so she sounds a little worried that she can't reach him. He makes a mental note to call her when they get to the apartment and checks his texts to find at least a dozen. Billy, Alex, Elena, Alex, Dylan, John, the other Alex, his manager (that was going to be a fun one to answer), his Dad, Roma. He can see his inbox is full of messages from Facebook and he wonders how they had heard so quickly then shakes his head because their fans are nothing if not resourceful.

He taps his phone a few times, brings up the Facebook app and writes a quick message.

_Hey, guys. Van is doing just fine. Please don't worry. Thanks for caring so much about him._

Jake knows that's an easy thing to do.

He posts the message and shuts off his phone. Van wheels back into the room, throws him a huge grin that makes Jake's insides flutter – _seriously, he needs to get a grip_ – and the doctor follows immediately after. The scans turned out fine and Van sighs with relief when they're told he can go home.

Jake agrees completely.

 

*

 

Once the doctor signs off, it's less than half an hour to receive the scripts Van would need for his painkillers and they are on their way back to the apartment. Jake helps Van into the cab, tells the driver the address and then leans back in his seat. Van's head drops to Jake's shoulder and he bites his smile at the quiet, happy noise Van makes. Jake places one hand on Van's knee, rubs gently while they make their way through traffic.

"You tired, babe?"

"Mmmhmm."

Van nuzzles his face in Jake's neck and he clenches his fist to keep from touching because right now what Van needs is rest. Rest and a bed and Jake taking care of him. He repeats this in his head when Van's breath fans across his skin and his dick takes notice.

"We'll be at your apartment soon ."

One of Van's hands has been caressing Jake's arm slowly and when Van speaks, he grips tightly, makes Jake look at him. "We'll be at _our_ apartment soon." He keeps his eyes locked with Jake's. It's one of the few things they actually honestly argue about.

Jake gives him a half-smile, watches Van's eyes darken and fall to Jake's mouth before he leans in and kisses him. It's softer than what he wants, lingers more than he means for it to and when he pulls away, Van opens his eyes slowly. "Repeat after me. Our."

Jake laughs and nods, says "Our."

Van seems satisfied and lets his head fall back down on Jake's shoulder.

They'll be home soon.

 

*

 

When Jake opens the door, he freezes as the aroma of tomato and basil drifts from the kitchen. Van leans against him, shoulder tucked under his arm, warm and pliant at his side. He walks them in, stops short when Dylan appears in the hallway, jacket half on. Looking up, he startles a little, brings one hand up to his chest.

"Holy shit. You about gave me a heart attack, guys."

Van straightens up, gives an exhausted smile, and moves forward to hug Dylan. Jake follows right behind, hands ready to catch Van if need be. He hears the muffled, "What's with the hair, Dylan?" and his brother's snort of laughter. Jake blinks as he realizes that Dylan's hair is more than one color and in a mohawk. He really hopes this has something to do with a job.

"I wouldn't talk there, Van."

Jake is about to open his mouth to ask the question pressing in his head but Jesse walks out from the bedroom. "Okay, I got the bed turned down –" and stops when he sees them, grinning wide. "We're not here. Seriously. We're leaving." He collects his pack, pauses to give Jake and Van a hug then drags Dylan out the door with him, waving as it closes behind them.

Jake stares at the door but turns when Van starts to lean away. He moves to the couch, wobbles a little in place and Jake is there before he can blink. "Maybe we should get you into bed," He catches Van's quick grin and chuckles at it, "Don't even think about it, Hansis."

The pout he receives makes him laugh and shaking his head, he directs Van into the back, letting him walk unassisted to the bedroom. It's almost as if the sight of the bed makes Van realize how tired he is. He sits down gently then looks around the room, sleepy and unfocused.

Jake cards his hand through Van's hair, massages his way from his head down to his neck, stifles his own moan when Van makes a pleased sound.

"That's nice."

"Yeah?" He drops a kiss on Van's forehead, steps around to pull Van's sleep pants from the dresser. "Think you can deal with a bath?"

Van lifts an eyebrow, sleep soft eyes meeting Jake's. "You're trying to say I stink, aren't you?" He shoves to his feet, reaches for Jake's arm and leans in for a hug. "Tell me the truth, man. I can handle it."

Jake grins into Van's shoulder, hides his face into the crook between it and Van's neck, takes a deep breath. He feels the stutter Van's gives, the way his hands grip tighter on Jake's arms and he drops wet kisses up Van's jaw, nipping at the stubbly skin under his tongue. Van's eyes slide shut and Jake brushes his face against Van's. He feels that grip on his heart, the one he'd been ignoring, loosen and he just wants to stay there where it's all warm and Van and home.

Van pushes against him, rolls his hips once and their hard cocks rub through denim. The heat flares fast, like it always does with them and Jake's grip on Van's back tightens, hands sliding down to rest at Van's side. He flexes his fingers, breathes through the shock of Van's tongue licking a line up his throat to his ear. Jake's head falls back and Van bites down into skin.

He did _not_ just squeak.

Van's laugh tells him that's a lie and it breaks the moment, allows Jake to get his head together. He forces himself to take a step back, hands coming up to cradle Van's face. He rubs his thumb across the raised surface of the scratches on Van's cheek, smiles when those eyes open to look at him. "Hey. As much as I missed you – and I really _fucking_ have – it's probably not a good idea to do this. Tonight, anyway."

Van huffs, hands twining around Jake's neck, the cast heavy on his shoulder, fingers playing with the curls at the nape. "I broke my arm not my dick, Jake. That's working just fine so..."

"Baby, you're exhausted." Jake's voice is soft, a little wobbly and he doesn't want to think about it. Because Van is okay and he is over-reacting and they're together and it's all _fine._

Van seems to catch on and his eyes widen, his hands try to frame Jake's face in return but the cast impedes his movement. He curses under his breath, reaches up with his good hand to Jake's hair, runs his fingers through it. "I'm right here. Okay? Nothing happened."

"I know."

He does.

"Then stop freaking out, please. It was nothing. Just a little accident. Coulda happened to anybody. Hell, if they got it on film, it could be awesome for the blooper reel on the DVD."

Jake narrows his eyes and Van shakes his head.

"Or maybe not."

He kisses Jake's mouth, licks it open and doesn't make a sound when Jake holds him tighter.

 

*

 

"This is torture, you know that, right?"

Jake rolls his eyes, passes the soapy sponge over Van's back and shoulders again, mindful of the bruising on his upper arms. "I'm the one touching you, remember? Believe me. I know." He moves the sponge over Van's neck, leans forward, his shirt promptly getting wet. The angle is killing his back and...fuck this. Van is glancing up at him, tongue sweeping out to lick the water from his lips and Jake's resolve disappears.

The need to touch Van is strong and sharp.

He moves away for a moment, yanks his shirt over his head, undoes his jeans, and steps out of them. His boxers go next and when his gaze returns to Van, wide eyes are watching him.

"You are a cruel, evil man."

Jake smirks, makes a motion with his hand for Van to shift up a little. The tub will barely hold them but at least Jake can finish what he started.

"I can probably do this, Jake."

"With one hand? The one that you don't use on a normal basis?"

"It's okay."

"Van? Shut up and let me take care of you."

Van sighs, tries to hide the smile he can't help and lets him slide in. They don't fit comfortably but it'll work. Jake's hands return to Van's skin, running over shoulders and down. He scoots closer, dry skin against Van's damp back, hands tangle through the hair on Van's chest, and Jake bites his lip when Van's head leans back, long groan escaping.

"_Jake._"

_Oh._ That _wasn't_ fair.

Van's voice is practically a growl and Jake feels it straight into his bones.

He shifts his legs open wider, hard cock wedged between them, and he drops the sponge, curls over Van's back, licking at the wet skin within his reach. Jake's hands glide over Van's stomach, wrapping around the pulsing shaft of Van's hard dick. It jumps in Jake's hand and he wants to taste so bad he can barely resist. He leans in to look down over Van's shoulder, traces his thumb over the leaking head, red and veiny. He starts slow, barely any real movement. A whisper of touch over skin and Van shifts his hips to get more friction, moans so deep that Jake feels it in his chest.

"That feel good?"

Van reaches back to hold on to Jake's head, hisses when he tries to grip, the cast making it awkward, the angle wrong. He turns his head, lids open slowly and Jake forgets that maybe this isn't the best idea. The kiss is bruising, sloppy, the kind that burns its way across his chest, shoulders, back and down his legs. Van moans when he feels the jerk Jake's dick gives. His heart expands at the taste of Van and he grunts when Van grips his wrist and guides their joined hands down to move over his own hardened, leaking cock.

It amazes Jake how much he needs Van. That in all the months (years) they've been, it never stops being everything he wants. When he touches Van, feels that tremble under his skin, it's like nothing he's ever had before. He wants to climb inside and stay. It's this permanent state of want that scares Jake sometimes.

Van's breath hitches, hand disentangles from Jake's and falls to his side, and Jake smiles into Van's neck. He draws out his strokes, thumb circles the head of Van's cock, smears the precum across his fingers. He tightens his knees on Van's hips when he arches up, tries to speed up Jake's caresses. Jake holds him still as he works slowly. He can feel Van breaking apart under him, his moans grow in length, deepen until they vibrate against the walls and Jake grits his teeth.

Van leans back, traps Jake's throbbing dick firmly between them, grinds back and the friction sends Jake's senses into overdrive. He groans out words he doesn't understand, hand picks up its pace and in another breath, Van comes loud and hard, Jake's name slipping from his mouth in a litany.

Jake waits until Van's breathing has calmed then turns his attention to his own painful erection. He was close. It's what Van can do to him. He grips tight, rhythm fast and strong. The heat builds at the base of his spine and when he glances up, Van is watching, head turned to stare at Jake's face, teeth biting lower lip and it shoots a rush of _fucking_ want so sharp that Jake stops breathing.

Van shifts his weight to his side, fingers ghost over Jake's cheek and he leans in, whispers a broken, "Come on, baby." and Jake shudders out Van's name, white ribbons of come spurting sticky and warm between them.

Van kisses him slowly, thorough and sure. Reminds Jake that he's right there with him.

Jake breathes the smell of them – sweat and sex and skin – in.

 

*

 

He leaves Van to dress himself because "Seriously, Jake, I still have full use of my other hand. I'm not five" were the first words out of Van's mouth when Jake had offered to help. There's a pair of his sweatpants in the dresser and he grabs one of Van's well-worn t-shirts. It's soft and smells like Van which makes Jake smile as he walks into the kitchen to see what he can scrounge up.

He stops in his tracks when he sees the pot of soup on the stove top and remembers that his brothers had been tinkering around the apartment. He grins when he pulls up the lid and finds tomato basil soup. The twins can't cook to save their lives but this is something every Silbermann kid learns to make. When someone is sick or hurt, tomato basil was the cure. It makes him happy that Van gets to be included in the tradition. He makes a mental note to call Jesse and Dylan to thank them. Jake turns on the burner to reheat the soup and pulls two bowls out of the cabinets.

He hears Van's feet shuffle across the floor and looks back, pauses at the way Van's hair stands in tufts. He swallows and feels his chest do that stupid flutter thing. And jesus when the fuck did he become such a goddamn sap.

Van stares at him with a bemused smile, eyebrow raised up in question.

"You."

The other eyebrow joins the first and Jake sighs.

"I'm kind of stupid about you, Van."

Van blinks, one corner of his mouth rises up and Jake can tell he's holding his grin in check. "You're kind of stupid about a lot of things, Jake."

He rolls his eyes and snorts. "Yeah, well. Complete moron for you."

It's the closest he's come to saying it out loud and Van is looking at him with this hopeful expression –

Jake's phone rings and Van makes a face but it's Roma's ring tone so...

Jake grabs the cell from where he'd thrown it on the table earlier. "Sorry. I meant to call back."

Roma's laugh is very much like Van's and Jake kind of loves the similarity. "It's okay, sweetie. I know you've been a little preoccupied. Ellen told me you sounded fine when you two spoke but I wanted to check up. How is everything? Is he okay?"

"I think so. He looks tired but that's to be expected."

"_He_ is standing right _here._" Van's annoyed voice carries across the room and Roma lets out another laugh.

"I heard that."

"Yeah. Hold on."

Jake gives Van the phone, kisses his temple and heads back to the kitchen. He keeps busy serving the soup and finding the spoons. He can hear Van reassuring his mother that he's fine and yes, he would be careful and Jake doesn't need to take care of me, Mom, but he is anyway so it's all okay.

He smiles at that last part because of course he did.

Van is making uninterested sounds as Roma keeps him talking for too long. Jake watches from the kitchen door. He studies Van's faces, tries not to laugh when he rolls his eyes so hard Jake thinks they might stay that way. He would rescue him but he understands where Roma is coming from. It could have been so much worse. If Van had hit his head the wrong way...

He shakes the thoughts away, turns back to get the bowls and walks to the table. He puts Van's in front of him, takes a seat and listens as Van tells his mom that he needs to eat now. They exchange goodbyes and when Van looks up at him, his smile is relieved and sweet.

"I love her, I do..."

"She's just worried."

"I know."

Jake tries to eat but can't seem to muster up the appetite. The call reminds him of what almost happened and...

"Hey. You okay?"

He glances up at Van, smiles and shakes his head. "Head thinks too much."

"Never a good thing with you, Silbermann."

Jake laughs, picks up his bowl as he stands then leans down to kiss Van's forehead. "Shut up and finish your soup, baby."

Van's eyes sparkle when he grins up. "Do I get dessert?"

"You have a one track mind."

"I can't help it if my person is sex on legs. Blame your parents for the genes."

"You didn't just say that."

He disappears into the kitchen to the sound of Van's laugh.

 

*

 

It's almost ten when he finally manages to get Van in bed – for the purpose of sleeping even though it takes every ounce of willpower not to give in to Van's "fuck me" face – when it hits Jake that he needs to say it. Because he knows Van knows and he realizes neither one of them _has_ to hear it but –

He wants to.

So he does.

"Van?"

"Hmm?"

"You asleep?"

Van snorts, turns over to lay his head on Jake's chest and shakes his head. "No. This is a dream and you aren't actually cruel enough to wake me from it. Now tell me what's going on in your head so I can _get_ back to dreaming about you fucking me into the mattress."

Jake snorts. "You're a complete dork when you're tired, you know that?"

"And you're one at all times. These are facts about each other we have to live with."

And that's it right there for Jake. They know each other so well that every part – even the bad ones – are the reason they are in this bed together.

"I love you."

There's complete silence and Jake would think Van had actually fallen asleep before he'd made his grand declaration except he can feel that Van's _not_ breathing.

"I mean, I think you know that. God, I _hope_ you know that. But I needed to say it. If something had happened... you need to hear it. I love you. I have for so long I don't even remember a time I haven't. And it's not all the good stuff that I love – which there is _a lot_ of – but the annoying stuff. Like how you sing off key when you're concentrating on something really hard. Or how you refuse to throw away those jogging pants that are just threads held together by magic or something."

Van's head raises up and Jake can see his eyes shining a little in the dark.

"Or how you are such a fucking sap, oh my god, you make me seem like He-Man." He meets Van's gaze and smiles soft and sweet. Hopes everything he feels is there in the dark.

"I love all that shit, too. I just love you."

Van keeps staring and Jake wonders if maybe he just broke his boyfriend.

"Baby? You okay?"

Van lets out a breathless laugh, rolling on top of Jake, the cast heavy on Jake's chest. "You don't ever do anything half-assed, do you?"

Jake grins. "Nope."

Van kisses that grin, grips his good fingers around Jake's pants and pulls down. When Jake starts to say something, Van shakes his head. "Oh, _hell_ no. You can't do what you just did, say all that, and expect not to end up with me inside you or you fucking me or some semblance of that."

"One track mind."

Van nods. "When it comes to you, absolutely." He pushes down, fingers sliding inside Jake's waistband. "And, Jake?"

He waits until Jake meets his eyes, kisses him soft and says, voice breaking at the end, "I love you, too."

Jake's heart stumbles because he knew. But _yeah._

Then he grins, rolls his eyes playfully, and says, "I bet that's what you say to all the boys when you have your hand down their pants."

Van's laugh is loud and fans across Jake's lips.

It tastes like love and home and maybe, forever.

 

_End._


End file.
